Without You
by hma1010
Summary: Sequel to Stay With Me; Blaine is gone and Kurt has to find a way to survive and rebuild his life without his husband.
1. January

**So…I had no intentions of writing a sequel to Stay With Me, but I just loved the story so much, and thoughts of Kurt and his recovery from the loss of Blaine's death kept hitting me, so I just wanted to explore it (what can I say, I'm a social worker…). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, I haven't figured out how many chapters it will be, but it will be similar to SWM's length! Please let me know what you think!**

**-I own nothing from Glee!**

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**January**

Light from the hallway spread throughout the dark room as Burt slowly opened the door to find his son still laying in bed. He shut the door enough so that the light would not be shining in Kurt's eyes, but allowed enough light in so that he could find his way to the bed and lay down. He knew he was lying on "Kurt's side." That since Blaine had died three weeks ago, Kurt had slept and laid on Blaine's side of the bed. He would be more worried that Kurt barely got out of bed since the funeral, if it not for his own experience of losing his wife. At that time, the only thing that kept him going was Kurt.

When he looked at Kurt now, asleep with dried tear marks down his face, he couldn't help but think back to when Elizabeth had died and he would often find himself lying next to Kurt, in his twin size bed, and staring at his son sleep. He often thanked whatever power was out there that his son was safe. Even when his wife had died, he felt thankful that at least Kurt was safe. This time though…this time he had a step son who was gone and now a son in law. Even worse, with Finn and Elizabeth he never had to watch them slowly deteriorate. With Blaine, each day it seemed that the boy was growing weaker. This time, even the knowledge that Blaine was going to die, did not help prepare him for the pain his son would endure. He didn't know how Blaine had been so strong throughout.

* * *

_Two Months Prior_

"_Hey bud, how're you feeling?" Burt smiled when he looked up from the tv and saw that Kurt was wheeling Blaine, who had been sleeping, into the living room._

"_Not…too bad." He smiled from behind his oxygen mask as Kurt helped move him onto the couch._

_He was lying; it had been a bad day._

_Blaine had been in terrible pain all morning, and it took until Blaine began throwing up from the pain for Kurt to convince him to take some of the stronger painkillers that had knocked him out for a while._

"_Dad, I'm going to the store to grab a few things, did you need anything?" Kurt asked as he settled the oxygen tank close to the couch._

"_Oh, Carole asked me to give you this..." He patted his pockets until he found a slip of paper and handed it to his son, "if you went to the store."_

_Kurt looked over it and raised an eyebrow, "If you're going to try and add chips, you could at least copy Carole's handwriting…and maybe use the same color pen..."_

_Blaine was laughing, "Nice try…Burt."_

_Burt looked over to his son-in-law and smiled, shaking his head, "I don't know how you deal with him."_

_After Kurt left, Blaine and Burt began watching the game, but it wasn't long until Blaine got Burt's attention._

"_Burt?"_

_He looked to Blaine and muted the tv when he saw Blaine pulling off the oxygen mask._

"_What's up?"_

"_I uh…I wanted…to talk."_

"_Ok?" He looked at him concerned._

"_It's… about Kurt."_

"_What about him?"_

"_I'm worried…that after…he's going to…break." Blaine looked down for a moment than back to Burt._

_Burt was confused, but as he looked into his eyes, he realized what Blaine was getting at. He was worried that Kurt was not going to be able to handle Blaine's death, that he wouldn't survive it. Burt had tried to pretend that Blaine was going to be fine, but he often found himself, late at night, worried for his son; terrified for his son-in-law. _

_He wanted to reassure Blaine; tell him that he would be fine, that Kurt would be fine, that life would go on. But it wouldn't._

"_Blaine, listen to me, I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that Kurt has a lot of people who will make sure that he will be ok. We won't let him disappear."_

_Blaine sniffled and wiped a tear that fell from his eye, "Thank…thank you."_

"_We're here for you too, you know. For anything you need." Burt ducked his head a little so that he was looking into Blaine's eyes._

_Blaine just nodded a little and placed the oxygen mask back over his mouth and looked at the tv again._

_Burt nodded and turned back to the game._

* * *

"Hey dad." Kurt's sleep heavy voice brought Burt back to the present. He looked at his son again, his hair unusually flat.

"Hey, I just got home from work. Wanted to check in on you."

Kurt turned to his side so that he was facing his father, "Is it always going to feel like this?"

"Like what?"

Kurt shut his eyes for a long moment, and when he opened them again, his eyes were shining, "Like my heart has been ripped in half, like I can't breathe…like I want to die just so I can be with him?"

Burt sighed, "No…it won't." He grabbed his son's hand, "Listen, I know that right now nothing feels like it will ever be good again, but Kurt, it will be. When I lost your mom, I felt just how you described, but you know what I did?"

Kurt shook his head and a tear escaped his eye.

"I got up in the morning, I got dressed…I kept living. I had to keep going because I knew that your mother would want that. And you know what? Blaine would want that for you too. He loved you so much, Kurt, and that boy would want you to be living every second. But," He raised his hand when Kurt opened his mouth, "I also know that you just lost your husband three weeks ago. I'm not saying that tomorrow morning you have to suddenly be fine, and if someone tells you that you tell them to come talk to me, but what I am saying is that you have to start making moves, because the longer you lie in this bed, the harder it's going to be. And Kurt, you know you have me and Carole, you have your friends…we're all here to keep you standing, ok?"

A sob left Kurt, and he moved forward to be in his father's arms, "I miss him so much." He cried.

"I know, and Kurt, moving on doesn't mean forgetting Blaine. Not a day goes by where I don't think of your mother, that there isn't something that reminds me of her, but I promise, I _promise,_ that this will get easier. Soon, thinking of Blaine will bring up the happy memories, it will remind you of the goofy things he did, and the dates you went on. Soon it will be that, and not the pain, that comes to mind.

The next day, Kurt didn't suddenly come dancing down the stairs. He didn't fix his hair or change out of his pajamas. There weren't talks of moving back to New York, or even of going outside. What did happen, was that Kurt came downstairs for breakfast, and he ate a piece of toast and drank his coffee, and instead of going back upstairs, he asked Carole to watch a movie with him. Though he cried while watching _Singing in the Rain,_ because it was Blaine's favorite and he would always act out the dance scenes, he also found himself telling Carole about what Blaine would do. He found himself laughing with her about the time Blaine dragged him out of their apartment and into the pouring rain so that he could dance with his umbrella.

And though he cried while he laughed, he felt closer to Blaine than any day in the past few weeks that he would sleep with Blaine's pillow and think of the funeral, or the weeks leading up to his death. He thought about Blaine's beautiful eyes, his warm smile, and he felt like the fog that had been so heavy was beginning to ease up. He felt like maybe, sometime soon, he would be able to function again.

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**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!**


	2. April

**A/N- Hiya, thank you for all the support on this story so far! I hope you continue to like it! Let me know what you think of this chapter please!**

**-I don't own anything from Glee!**

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**April**

"_Kurt? Kurt, are you home?" Blaine yelled through the apartment before turning to close the door. When he turned back around, Kurt was pinning him to the door, kissing him._

_When he pulled back, Blaine took in his wide smile and bright eyes, "So I guess it's good news?" _

_Kurt looked down at Blaine's hands where he was holding a bouquet of white and yellow lilies, his smiled widened, "You got me flowers without even knowing if it was good news or bad?"_

_Blaine blushed a little, "Well I figured if it was good, then they could be celebratory, and if it was bad, well then you'd need a pick me up. 'I have news, I need to you come home ASAP,' wasn't a very helpful text."_

"_Well, I was too excited and I didn't want to tell you over the phone."_

"_So?" Blaine pushed._

"_So…I spoke with Isabelle today and she said that there's a position opening up at the magazine, and that when Anna asked her if she had any recommendations, that I was the first person she thought of."_

_Blaine's mouth dropped, "Kurt…please tell me what I think you're telling me."_

_He raised his head and looked away giddily, "Well I don't know what you're thinking, but if it's that you're now looking at the new accessories writer for Vogue, as in the actual magazine, then…"_

_He was cut off when Blaine grabbed him into a kiss then lifted him up, twirling him once, "Oh my God, Kurt, that is amazing! I don't even know what to say…This is like your dream job!" He pulled back and handed him the flowers, "We definitely need to celebrate! Whatever you want to do!"_

"_Well…" Kurt grabbed Blaine's tie and walked backwards, dragging him along towards the ladder to their bedroom, "I can think of a way I'd like to start the celebration."_

_Blaine smiled and quickly followed his fiancé up the ladder._

* * *

"Kurt? Kurt, everything ok?"

Kurt shook his head, ridding himself of the memory and looked to see his father standing next to him with a concerned face.

"Yea dad, I'm fine."

"You've been just standing there, staring at that engine for the past twenty minutes." He said.

Kurt looked down at the car he was working on, then back to his dad, "Sorry, I guess I'm a bit distracted today." He said apologetically.

"Ok, leave the car and come with me." Burt started to turn, but was stopped by Kurt.

"Wait, dad, what? I'm not finished here."

"Hey Mike?" He called out to one of the other guys in the garage and continued when he got his attention, "Can you finish this car when you're done there? I need Kurt for something."

"Sure." The guy nodded and went back to what he was doing.

"There, now come on."

Kurt followed his dad into the office and sat in the seat he pointed to, watching as his dad walked around the desk and sat in his seat.

"Look dad…" He stopped when Burt held up his hand.

"Kurt, you need to go back to New York."

His heart started to race, "I…what, why?"

"Ever since you were a kid, New York has been your dream. You don't belong here, stuck in the middle of Ohio working at a car garage. You have a job there, friends, a life…"

"I _had_ a life there," He said sadly, looking down at his grease covered hands, "Now…I don't know, I'm not sure where I belong; I feel lost."

Burt got up and walked around the desk to sit in the seat next to Kurt, "It's ok to feel lost without Blaine, but Kurt, you're not going to find yourself here. You made a life in New York, and I know why you're scared to go back, but being here isn't going to make Blaine's death any easier."

"I just…" A tear fell from Kurt's eye and he continued to stare down at his hands, "Everything there is Blaine. I feel like everywhere I walk, I'll be seeing him, I'll feel like my heart is being ripped open again and again because he's not there to experience it with me. Even if there is something new, that will hurt just as badly because I can't share it with him. I don't know how to _be_ in New York without Blaine."

He finally looked into his father's eyes, saw that Burt's eyes were misted over as well, "I miss him so much, and I feel like I can't just keep living life like he wasn't ever there. It's easier here, the memories not as fresh besides in our home. I can pretend here that things aren't so hard."

"Pretending is only going to make it harder. I'm not saying you should go back to the loft, I'm just saying you need to go back to your life. Break the contract on the apartment and rent another place, live with Rachel, do whatever you have to do, but Kurt you have to keep living. Blaine would hate to see you stuck in Lima working here. He always knew you would do great things and that you were better than Ohio, you can't give up on yourself, he would never want that."

Kurt put his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths. Burt just placed his hand on his son's back and rubbed it softly.

"I'm not saying you have to go tomorrow, I'm not even saying you have to go, but kid, Ohio isn't your home anymore. Carole and I love that you're here, but we can't help you heal like your friends can. You won't ever be happy if you're stuck in this place. Just think about it, think about where you want your life to go."

Kurt looked at his father and nodded before pulling him into a hug, "Thanks dad."

"Anytime, I just want you to be happy."

* * *

It took a few weeks, lists and journal entries and soul searching, but almost a month after the conversation with his dad, Kurt had made up his mind. He would continue to sublet his and Blaine's apartment until the lease was up, and then he would sell the place. He wouldn't be able to find happiness in that apartment any longer. All of his friends offered him a place to stay, but in the end he chose to live with Santana, which was a shock even for him. Rachel was constantly busy with her show, Sam and his girlfriend had just moved in together and Kurt refused to intrude on their new situation, and while Kyle and Max offered Kurt their gust room, seeing them together, especially with Mollie wasn't something he thought he could handle at this point.

Santana had an extra bedroom that she was using as a storage room. It was in the Lower East Side, which was a new neighborhood so that almost nothing reminded him of Blaine, but it was still close enough to the rest of his friends. Santana, like Kurt, seemed to be struggling, and so he knew that they would be in similar company in missing Blaine.

True to her word, when Kurt told Jackie that he was back in the city and looking to come back to work, his job was still there. He immersed himself in his work and on making sure things were perfect during the day, and at night he found himself either bantering back and forth with Santana or crying in bed and missing Blaine while she laid beside him and spoke to him with soft words she had previously only used for Blaine.

He knew that he was mostly just distracting himself when it was possible, that he tried his hardest to not think about his husband, but it seemed that everyday there was something.

The first warm day of Spring reminded him of the time that Blaine made him take a lunch break so that they could have a picnic in Madison Park. Every couple that past was what he lost and every child was what he would never have. Things weren't better, but his dad was right, at least he was home.

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**Please review so I know what you though!**


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